"Lodriguss' Laws of Astrophotography" Jerry's an excellent astrophotographer and wonderful storyteller. Do check in at his website for more stories, observations and humour. http://www.astropix.com

"It's always clear at full moon."

"If it's completely clear all day, it will be cloudy that night."

"Three mutually exclusive things: not having to go to work the next day, no clouds, no moon."

"If it's clear with no moon, it will be bitterly cold and the wind will be blowing like a hurricane."

"While manually guiding, the mount will track perfectly forever, until you look away for a second."

"The guiding reticle battery will always die just past the half-way point of the exposure."

"If you hear a strange noise and startle during an exposure, you will always bump the scope, and ruin the photo, and it will always be just before the end of a two hour exposure."

"Any speck of dust or dirt inside the tube assembly will end up on the film's emulsion side during the exposure."

"Perfect polar alignment means you will kick the tripod leg in the dark."

"Perfectly guided two hour exposures will be taken on x-sync shutter setting."

"Perfectly guided photos will be out of focus."

"Perfectly focused photos will have field rotation."

"Perfectly aligned, focused, guided, and exposed photos will be ruined by the lab."

"No amount of planning, practice or expertise can replace dumb luck."

(Additions for general astronomy : )

Rain clouds gather where astronomers assemble, and scatter when the latter disperse.

Clear skies when polar aligning, cloudy skies just when you are ready to take the first shot.

Being very sure that you have packed every equipment you need for your trip, usually means that one tiny but essential screwbolt got left behind.

Urban development always appears at the moment when and where astronomers discover a nice dark area that no one bothered about for years.

 

Flap's Law : 

Any inanimate object, regardless of its position, configuration or purpose, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious.

 

Freeman's Rule (adapted) :

A 3-inch telescope can see more than a 20-inch telescope... if the 20-inch seldom leaves the closet.

"Ralf's Laws of Observational Astronomy" by  http://www.cpuidle.de/murphy.htm 

"Seeing is always ( 6 - [ # of setup steps to do ] )."

"There are never clouds in the sky unless the setup is complete."

"A filter set contains all imaginable wavelengths and widths - except the one combination you need."

"The number of days of observation time you get is ( [ Days for setup ] + [ Days of bad weather ] + [ Days when computers are down ] + [ Days when telescope is out of order ] - 1 )."

"Scattered light never gets into your setup where it is possible."

"The 10 Commandments for Amateur Astronomers" (from the sci.astro.amatuer newsgroup.) As listed on http://www.open.hr/space/space/jokes.phtml . Check it out for more amusing stuff. 

1. Thou shalt have no white light before thee, behind thee, or to the side of thee whilst sharing the night sky with thy fellow stargazers.

2. Thou shalt not love thy telescope more than thy spouse or thy children; as much as, maybe, but not more.

3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's telescope, unless it exceeds in aperture or electronics twice that of thy wildest dreams.

4. Thou shalt not read "Astronomy" or "Sky & Telescope" on company time, for thine employer makes it possible to continue thine astronomical hobby.

5. Thou shalt have at least two telescopes so as to keep thy spouse interested when the same accompanies thee under the night sky or on eclipse expeditions to strange lands where exotic wild animals doth roam freely.

6. Thou shalt not allow either thy sons or thy daughters to get married during the Holy Days of Starfest.

7. Thou shalt not reveal to thy spouse the true cost of thy telescope collection; only the individual components, and that shall be done with great infrequency.

8. Thou shalt not buy thy spouse any lenses, filters, dew shields, maps, charts, or any other necessities for Christmas, anniversaries, or birthdays unless thy spouse needs them for their own telescope.

9. Thou shalt not deceive thy spouse into thinking that ye are taking them for a romantic Saturday night drive when indeed thou art heading for a dark sky site.

10. Thou shalt not store thy telescope in thy living room, dining room, or bedroom, lest thou be sleeping with it full time.

 

(Additions by the New Hampshire Astronomical Society : )

11. Verily, observe not through thy neighbor's AP or Tak, lest thee be utterly consumed by the lust of apo-fever, and thy brain and thy bank account shall shrivel and wither like branches in a flame...

12. Verily, observe not through thy neighbor's Dob of Goliath, lest thee be lain bare to the fires of aperture-fever, and thy sanity, thy sacroiliac and thy life savings be crushed as ye grapes of wrath...

"Murphy's Law" from http://www.cpuidle.de/murphy.htm . I *love* this site ; the following selection is a tribute to my astronomer friends, especially those in the SkySensor2k group. ; )

• Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you; tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

• All great discoveries are made by mistake.

• Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.

• The probability of a diagram or a specification being omitted from a shop manual is directly proportional to its importance.

• A dropped tool will land where it will cause the most damage; also known as the Law of Selective Gravity.

• To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

• If it's good, they'll stop making it.

• When you think you have discovered the real problem, you have not.

• Probability of failure of a component is inversely proportional to the ease of repair or replacement.

• Irreplaceable parts will always break or be lost, and at the worst possible time.

• The availability of a part is inversely proportional to the need for the part.

• The more an item of equipment costs, the farther you have to send it away to be repaired.

• An electrical component protected by a fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.

• There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.

• When all else fails, read the instructions.

Kibitzer's Constant : 

When you can't discover the cause of a breakdown, all of the free advice you get will be for things you've already checked.

Now if the truth of all these laws makes you depressed, just remember that Murphy's Law even applies to itself. At times, it goes wrong too, allowing you to accomplish something.